Putting Up Faces

I always liked putting up faces and behaviors and characteristics that would please the audience, aka my friends. I wasnt always good at making friends, I used to the odd boy always struggling to utter out even the simplest of salutations, the boy who would rather sit in the corner enjoying his lunch box alone, rather than be able to share it with others and well even snatch contents from other people “as a token of friendship”.   I was not alone though, I was the size of a sag of potatoes but I had some odd people who went out of their way to greet me everyday and play with me, they never let me be alone, and I remember them as bright as day… I remember as a kid I always wanted to go to places where kids my age would think twice about going, so I could go there and well… you guessed it, be alone. I am a solicitor of solitude? I dont know what it means either but it looks good right, solicitor.. wait, its kinda right.. i double checked.. anyway english is something you need to speak with confidence no matter how wrong you are.. and people would roll with it, as they are no better than you are, keep a good grammar and have a good symphony between the sentences and you have become a well versed converser in English.. but we were talking about something else, its how my mind is.. it multitasks without my permission.. takes me to distant lands while im still sleeping in my sheets and sometimes it just shuts off when I want to feel the overflowing emotions of happiness or sadness or even horny.. my mind is weird in many ways but it has helped me alot.. as it is fluid, I can mould it to anything for a short while.. pretend to perfection to be anyone, put up a farce of events and fool any body into believing its my true self,  so thats how i can make friends right now.. everyone has a certain attitude towards things they are doing right? some people enjoy shopping, some people just like to roam, some people just want to go to a park and rest, and well others have their somewhat weird fetishes about having a good time.. I like to figure them out, not accurately just guess work, hit and trial.. some people want to be oversmarted some people just want someone to have someone to compete always against, and well some people just want to look down on others without any sorrow or regret.. I have learned to be all of them.. I used to call it a mask, but then I realized I am not hiding anything.. there is nothing, its a fluid based behavior, it would suck if I dont make the full use of it.. and it works with other things too right? cause its not my expressions they are fluid, its my mind… so my writing is fluid.. i could change the tone somewhat, from sounding too intelligent and formal to, too crude and sad…….? to being bad or good or Great, from Excitement! to boredom, its the little trick english already has, but with words and expression and tones you could become anyone for anyone.. thats what people like right? someone they can connect with.. its a farce and you can say IM playing with their feelings.. but I am not hurting them? I am just making friends, and I dont make use of my friends, I experiment on them ( not clinical trials or as such ), I test them, and I also try to improve them and let them know of their weaknesses… a friend of mine finally was able to break out my defenses when trying to give me a lecture, by saying something my mind didnt fathom would be one of the possibilities.. as I was trying to break it out too.. even though i have slept for like 2 hours? and my eyes are so sore and my neck is dry…… i am kinda sick too, but I feel like… there is still a place for me in this world, and while I am at it.. lets write for other people to enjoy my miseries atleast :3 thanks




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